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Zombies, warnings and unfortunate events of my so called life

February 23rd, 2009

ZOMBIES IN AREA! RUN! I love this. Ok, take out the part that it was an illegal act, and possibly a traffic hazard… I love it!  Love.  It.

In other zombie news… have you seen Fido?  My new fave movie… right up there with The Goonies and Shaun of the Dead (it’s for the greater good).   Fido has everything I love… obscurity, super saturated color, campy retro charm, witty humor and of course… zombies.  I love the fictional ZomCon company (Zombie-Containment), which tells us “A better life through containment” and  “Be Happy - Be Scared“.  Pam has grabbed the former as her motto, and I the latter as my motto (which I think is the icing on the Happy Zombie cake).

In other warnings.  If someone tells you, pssst… pssst… hey little girl, wanna come play at Facebook?  Do not walk in the opposite direction.  Run.  RUN for your life.  Facebook is an evil plot to take over every minute of your spare time.  DO NOT FALL FOR IT.  Oh sure, your friends will tell you it helps keep up communication in place of email (I’m a sucky email-replier), and your friends will tell you it’s like a “2 minute blog”, and then you have a friend who joins - and even though you email, text and talk on the phone with her… you’ll want to know 24/7 what she is doing right now.  Before you know it, you will be a Facebook zombie and you’ll be forming all of your sentences in third person… “[your name here] is“.  You’ll have friends who play fun little google games, and you and your friends will get sucked into that too. Like this game:

UNFORTUNATELY: Google “unfortunately, your name”, including the quotes, and ta-dah… instant laughs.

- Unfortunately, Monica lost her voice and had to retrain her vocal talent.
- Unfortunately, Monica screws up and the stripper turns out to be a hooker.
- Unfortunately Monica hasn’t been convicted of anything (yet — she IS under investigation)
- Unfortunately, Monica’s dress turned out to have a bit of DNA on it.
- Unfortunately, Monica wakes up while David is standing over her with a pair of scissors.
- Unfortunately, Monica has committed another out-of-context faux pas
- Unfortunately Monica can’t act.
- Unfortunately Monica is blonde (for the most part) and comes with a thick Italian accent.
- Unfortunately Monica fails to heed Miss Cotton’s sage words and is attacked by some of the women in the village
- Unfortunately Monica had fallen into a vicious circle of drugs and prostitution

You.  Have.  Been.  Warned.

Posted in How I Live |

32 Responses

  1. The fabulous pam allegedly said:

    “Unfortunately Pam was found dead after her hook broke”

    It always ends this way for me.

  2. The fabulous BrendaLou allegedly said:

    oh, so NOW you tell me after you asked me to be your friend….or was it the other way around???? Nevertheless (don’t you just love it when you can write 3 words all run together and it’s correct!), my life is over run…..Must. Have. FaceBook.

  3. The fabulous amy (sew~amy) allegedly said:

    I am so sucked in to facebook when I get on there. I love it.

  4. The fabulous Mary allegedly said:

    I swear, I only popped on there for a second to reply to a message and then it was an hour later. It’s like a Facebook time warp or something.

  5. The fabulous anina allegedly said:

    Fun, but “Unfortunately” my name is too rare to work here. :o(

  6. The fabulous Tam allegedly said:

    LoL! Funny post! Facebook, Myspace, Blogging, Twitter, who has time for anything else? What day of the week is it~Oh yea~ Monday-hope it is a good one for you!~Tam :D

  7. The fabulous MichelleB allegedly said:

    Unfortunately Michelle was made redundant in July 2007. Unfortunately, Michelle thought she didn’t need any help. Unfortunately, Michelle had to choose. Unfortunately, Michelle has chosen not to go on Facebook, because she spends too much time on the computer as it is. Unfortunately, Michelle feels that she is missing out on too much fun.

  8. The fabulous Ronda allegedly said:

    I am not a scary movie fan, to be honest I am a big chicken, however my husband loves a good scary movie. I remember walking through the living room while he was watching Fido and thinking,”what in the world?”. I stopped to watch for a moment and thought that it was pretty funny for a “scary” movie. It reminded me of Shaun of the Dead, yes it too has zombie’s but they are kinda funny and not so scary, much like the collar wearing Fido zombies.
    On another note but same subject, my Parents live in Austin and my mom after seeing the Zombie sign called me to tell me about it and added that she was sure it was just a joke. I love my mom.

  9. The fabulous Nanette allegedly said:

    You are so funny. That is ALL I need - anther time suck! I’m holding up the wooden stake and the cross - not crossing that line.

  10. The fabulous Bloom allegedly said:

    Your warning has come too late for me! And now, thanks to you Dear Heart, I am distracted by your Google game! My favourites:

    Unfortunately Bloom can get a tad repetitive.

    Unfortunately, Bloom often feels a little uneven, and rather confusing, lacking a fulcrum upon which to work off her myriad of ideas.

    Unfortunately, Bloom has taken the tired subject matter and created a book with little humor, a bland heroine and few redeeming qualities.

    Unfortunately, Bloom was shooting Ned Kelly at the time, with a largely bearded face

    Unfortunately Bloom’s part is a little disappointing, because this time out (s)he’s no hero, but an unlikable prince(cess) who isn’t sexy.

    And so it goes on!

  11. The fabulous Danielle allegedly said:

    Unfortunatly, Danielle read Happy Zombie’s post and has spent the last half hour learning about all the unfortunat events in her life. :OP You are en evil Zombie. Warning shmorning…There are some kinky Danielle’s out their. Wish my life was that exciting! Her’s my favorite: Unfortunately, Danielle is covering up her funbags with her hands …again!

  12. The fabulous Amanda allegedly said:

    I got sucked into Facebook, too. OMG!!! People I haven’t thought of or heard from in over 20 years found me! All of these people’s faces started popping up all wanting to be my friend! I let out a scream and my kids started laughing. Then my daughter said I could ignore people if I wanted to. I like that idea! I wish I could do that in real life!

    I’m glad you’re one of my FB friends.

  13. The fabulous Carla F. allegedly said:

    Love that zombie sign. I saw on another blog to google you name likes to…. Oh, too much crazy for me! LOL

  14. The fabulous jen duncan allegedly said:

    And now, unfortunately, Jennifer seems to have replaced her ex-lover with a 62-year-old stalker.
    Oh My Goodness. Now THAT was fun!
    Facebook…I don’t have to worry too much about that. I probably got in more trouble with that case of Chex turtle bars from Costco than I ever will with Facebook…I just don’t have any more time to sit here on my ass. Maybe if I had a laptop….
    My 7yo grandson Caleb and I specialize in zombie movies. We were down in Monterey last week and my oldest was trying to impress her firefighter boyfriend by renting “Quarantine.” Ten minutes into it Caleb and I both looked at each other and in unison cheered, “zombie movie!” LOL. This is the daughter that say’s I’M the one corrupting the boy…who rented the movie!?

  15. The fabulous PAT SLOAN allegedly said:

    Hey… I resemble that remark… and what’s wrong with a bit of time suck… 24/7… LOL!

  16. The fabulous Mary Anne Drury allegedly said:

    It’s almost like a fulltime job! (between facebook, and blogging and reading other blogs …. ) …. too bad we aren’t getting paid !!! ..oh well, at least it’s a fun way to go broke!

  17. The fabulous jenny b harris allegedly said:

    Unfortunately, Jenny originally found this addicting game on Monica’s Facebook page!

    Hey you started it!!!


  18. The fabulous Paula allegedly said:

    Just a quick note, gotta hurry with all those Zombie’s chasing me! I’m hooting and hollering over that article, reading it out loud between bellows of laughter. Riff thinks I’m easily amused and I have to agree with him, but hey, so are my friends.
    You’ve reminded me that “Paula is late getting her Unfortunately note done.” Here I go. Off to Facebook. I may surface in an hour or so…

  19. The fabulous Amy allegedly said:

    Sorry, I missed the note about URL’s…
    (I probably wouldn’t/couldn’t follow the FB rules either…)

  20. The fabulous craftytammie allegedly said:

    “unfortunately, tammie will heal from this beating, just in time to die from cancer…” wow, that’s one heck of a horoscope. i’ve lost numerous days to facebook myself. but hey, i’ve reconnected with all those peeps from high school, so it’s not all bad, right?

  21. The fabulous randi allegedly said:

    I started a facebook account to keep in touch with my daughter, but now it is much more than that. Lots of people to keep in contact with–overwhelming! I am bad and only check in about twice per week, but any more than that would take away from my blogging time and I can’t do that! ;)

  22. The fabulous Thimbleanna allegedly said:

    ROFLOL!!!! You poor, poor girl to be same-named as that unfortunate DNA event! You crack me up!

    “Unfortunately, Anna died before seeing the success of her efforts”. Yikes. I sure hope that success is still decades off.

    Be careful or you’ll end up like those bloggers that no longer blog — they spend all day on facebook. I’m totally ignoring my account — it’s soooo much better that way.

  23. The fabulous Jona allegedly said:

    You know those weird dreams you have where you show up at a party and your highschool sweetheart is there standing next to your husband and next to him is your 3rd grade teacher,your next door neighbor and your mom? That’s facebook! It’s not healthy but I can’t leave.

    I love those zombie pranksters (I hope they don’t get in trouble)! We really liked Shaun of the Dead (the ending just cracks me up). Have you read World War Z? It’s a must read for zombie lovers everywhere.

  24. The fabulous Jane Weston allegedly said:

    Unfortunately Jane had to play along…Now dinner is going to be late! :o)

    Thanks for the fun, I’ve posted my results on my blog.

  25. The fabulous Robyn of Coffee and Cotton allegedly said:

    Oh Lawd you sucked me in!!
    “Unfortunately, Robyn didn’t re-create Toadie’s lingerie parade but she did change the lyrics to “She Devil blew a fart”!”

    They did the Zombie road side thing in Austin too! It was great, I mean Sooooo wrong.

    Monica, now that you have succumbed to Facebook you should try Twitter. One more way to socially waste your time and update your loving friends.

  26. The fabulous Julie Bergmann allegedly said:


    What a great blog you have! I’m glad I found you! I never would have found you if it wasn’t for facebook! YES!!! I AM AN ADDICT!!!
    You’re hilarious! BTW - Thanks for “friending” me on FB! LOL!


  27. The fabulous colleen allegedly said:

    Loved your friends virtual lunch dates. And I adored your sewing room… How cute is that. I just sort of sew in whatever room I find the angst…not a real studio. Love yours.

  28. The fabulous Cheryl allegedly said:

    You always crack me up Monica!!! I so far have resisted Face Book….hmmmm, but now you have really tempted me :-)!!!! Off to check myself out unfortunately!!!!!!!!

  29. The fabulous angelina allegedly said:

    The only Zombie I’m a fan of is you.

    I know, I agree about facebook. Pure stealer of gentle souls and all the hours of the day.

  30. The fabulous Sandy allegedly said:

    Monica, A BIG GIANT CONGRATS for your magazine fame! Can’t wait to see you in the mag.

  31. The fabulous Nanna allegedly said:

    I don’t want to get sucked into Facebook - I have an account, but I stay away. I don’t spend enough time blogging, so I know I don’t need anything else in my life……at this time, anyhoo. I did love that zombie sign, by the way. Funny!

  32. The fabulous hunnybunny allegedly said:

    I wish I’d read this BEFORE I got sucked in. Did you know you can have a farm, squeal!!!! It’s awful, who has time to parent, um uh oh I mean craft. Yah that’s it…

Farting around with needle & thread and then blogging about it.

Monica Solorio-Snow
Happy Zombie

Pacific Wonderland
Astoria, Oregon

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